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This. Is simply the best thing I’ve read in a very long time. I was born old , possessed of insights about others I should never have known, but I knew too little about myself. Room was never made for self awareness because I was always, ALWAYS, trying to just exist in a less turbulent way.

I’ve also been on the periphery of motherhood but never quite fully in it. My kids are mine yet I didn’t birth them and they don’t currently live with us.

I don’t want the destruction of the lobster. I want the circumspection and ease of the nautilus. Now that I’ve had time to know myself and speak up for my needs, it’s happening. I can be firm in my boundaries and not feel the shards because they don’t shatter. They flex and then repel. It’s brought a gentleness to change. I can understand why someone behaves the way they do, understand that it’s not about me, and ensure my safety. I no longer feel the guilt of losses that were never truly gains.

Thank you, Hayley, for putting these thought and feelings to words and sharing them. You are a North Star, and I love you from the earth’s core to the edges of the ever expanding universe.

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Thank you for this astute reflection. So much of this resonates with me. And I say, yes! Let’s allow ourselves to grow more peacefully, without waiting until the entire structure must shatter. Love you, Hayley.

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